Bath Day

This morning has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, my dear blogowers! Please feel sorry for poor old me!

It all started this morning when Lisa and Perry were eating breakfast. I was in my usual spot: under the table at Perry’s feet in case he were to drop anything. I started getting a little suspicious when Lisa kept saying my name over and over. BUT she wasn’t asking me to do anything, or talking about how cute I am! I was a little worried because their tones sounded pretty serious.

Then, Lisa put on her coat and shoes and asked me my favorite question of all the questions anyone has ever asked! She asked if I wanted to “Go”!!! Blogowers, if you know me at all, you know a few things:

-I hate walking on Linoleum and Hardwoods

-My biggest fears are Frost taking my paws with his bite, and dying in a shelter without my family

-My favorite food is every kind of human food

And finally, riding around with my humans is the best thing in the world! I ran out the door behind Lisa and hopped up in the car without any help at all! We drove around for days, probably, and ended up in a parking lot that smelled like dogs and dog food and trash. I was a little scared and all the smells were really overwhelming. Lisa had to pick me up out of the car and we walked very slowly into the building in front of where we parked. She let me smell a lot of the things and I soon discovered that we were at some sort of dog palace. Dogs were dragging their humans from toys to treats to food to more food! I was excited, but I stayed close to Lisa because I wanted some of those treats.

Lisa found a lady to talk about my cuteness, which I liked. But then she gave my leash to the lady and let her take me into another room by myself! I was convinced the Kirkhams had given me up and I was going to die in the dog palace. I would die fat, but I wouldn’t be with my family and that was terrifying! THEN the lady put me in a metal coffin and turned on the water! I was going to die right then and there…without being fat!!!

However, I was not to be drowned and was instead getting a bath, which is slightly better. It was still very traumatic. She took all the dirt I had worked so hard to accumulate in my undercoat AND she took my toenails! I loved my dirt and toenails. She did give me a nice brushing, which I liked a lot, but when it was all over, she humiliated me by tying a pink bandana around my neck. I am not a pink kinda gal!

After what seemed like years, Lisa and Perry came back to get me! For some reason, they seemed astonished at my cuteness, like I had somehow gotten cuter while they were gone. I did feel a little slimmer with all the excess hair, and dirt and toenails gone. But I smelled terrible! The shampoo the lady used was disgusting and didn’t smell at all like dead animals.

I guess Lisa and Perry felt bad about my experience at the dog palace, because I got to “Go” in the car again! We rode around for a long time and eventually got back to the farm. Perry carried me in and I’ve been sleeping on my Christmas bed ever since. I think I'll probably sleep the rest of the day — I earned it!